Knock on Wood
by bergerbites
Summary: "You should always knock before you enter a room," Jean warns and Eren looks at him, expecting to see a crooked smirk or a flicker of mischief, but Jean looks dead serious. "Always. You never know what you might walk into." Rivetra, Erejean.


Moments like this make Eren wonder if Levi does have it out for him after all. He spent an entire night slaving over his report, just to have it returned with red ink scrawled all across it and a note at the bottom of the last page that read: What the fuck is this shit?

"It looks like it's bleeding," Eren grouses, tossing the file on the table and feeling a sick sort of satisfaction when the papers scattered. "And I can't even read his handwriting."

"Let me look at them," Armin says, and Eren breaths a sigh of relief because the Commander himself complimented Armin's reports so obviously he knows what he's doing. "Well, first off…I don't think you have to go into such detail about what each individual Titan looks like. Reconnaissance reports are supposed to focus on movement and behaviors."

"And?"

"You described one Titan as looking like, 'the kind of guy who cuts in front of you in line to get rations and then acts like it's your fault when you call him out for it'."

Eren tugs at the collar of his shirt, a hot flush crawling up his neck when Jean starts laughing at him. The two of them didn't realize how abundantly clear Levi made it that there was a minimum page requirement and how exhausted Eren had been the previous night.

"Well," he sniffs, "it did."

"You also spelled 'rheumatism' incorrectly."

"What's that?" Jean asks.

"It's a disease that causes your joints to swell and stuff," Eren explains with a dismissive wave in his hand.

"And how the hell was that relevant?"

"Some of the Titans were moving slower than the others."

"So you fucking diagnosed them?"

Eren scowls. "I was making a comparison! Petra told me to be as detailed as I could about what I was seeing so then whoever read the report would have a clear idea of what I was seeing," he leans back in his seat and crosses his arms over his chest in a huff. "I was just following directions."

Armin sets the papers down with a thoughtful humming sound. "Well," he says with the slightest bit of hesitation. "You're going to have to rewrite it, I'm afraid."

"But—"

"Don't worry," Armin says with a reassuring smile. He glances at Jean, who looks like the picture of relaxation with his long legs stretched out beneath the table and his fingers laced behind his head. "Jean and I can help you."

Jean scoffs, but doesn't disagree.

However, Jean's idea of helping doesn't extend far beyond throwing scraps of paper at Eren's head or attempts at playing footsie, but between Eren's determination and Armin's seemingly endless supply of patience, the report somehow gets rewritten in just under two hours.

Now all he has to do is interrupt the Captain's evening which, Eren suspects, is where the real challenge lies.

-v-V-v-V-v-V-v-v-V-v-

Jean accompanies Eren to drop off his report, either due to some misguided protective instinct or because he's bored and looking for a fight. Or a bad combination of the two which means trouble.

Eren lets him tag along regardless because Jean and his constant yammering helps distract Eren from the trepidation building up in his chest.

"—and that's why I'm never eating anything Connie cooks ever again."

Eren makes a noncommittal noise and stops in front of the door to the Captain's office. He wraps his fingers around the doorknob and goes to turn it, but Jean stops him by grabbing his wrist.

"Knock first," Jean says.

"But—"

"You should always knock before you enter a room," Jean warns and Eren looks at him, expecting to see a crooked smirk or a flicker of mischief, but Jean looks dead serious. "Always. You never know what you might walk into."

"…I feel like there's a story there."

Jean squeezes his eyes shut and looks pained. "There is."

Eren makes a mental note to hound Jean on it later, after (or if) he survives this encounter with the Captain. After a moment's hesitation, he knocks his knuckles against the door a couple times.

He swears he hears someone hiss out a sharp shush.

Frowning, he knocks again, this time a little harder.

"Hang on a fucking second!" the Captain snaps.

Eren and Jean exchange a look and Jean shrugs, but Eren swears he sees a spark of recognition in his eyes.

"What's going on?"

"Not sure," Jean replies, "but if it is what I think it is, then I owe Armin two sovereigns."

Before Eren can ask him what that whole thing is about, the door flies open, revealing a flustered Petra, her collar undone and face flushed.

"Hello Eren!" she greets with a bright smile, but her voice sounds different, high-pitched and breathy. "I didn't know the Captain was expecting you."

Jean coughs into his hand.

Eren wonders if the rest of the squad decided to do some extra training or if Petra did it on her own. She's such a hard-worker, after all. "Uh..he isn't, exactly, but I finished revising my report. I thought I should—"

"Of course!" Petra steps back and motions for them to enter the room. "Captain, Eren says he has—"

"Yeah, I heard him," Levi says, his voice tight. He remains seated at his desk, his face also flushed, and Eren watches in fascination as a bead of sweat runs down his forehead. "So where is it? I don't have all day, kid."

Eren removes the file he tucked under his arm and sets it in front of Levi on his uncharacteristically cluttered desk. "Did I miss some kind of training exercise?" he asks. "Or something?"

Levi glares at him. "Why would you think that?"

"You both look…different."

Jean coughs again and Eren slants a look over his shoulder to find Jean leaning against the door frame, one of his hands covering his face and his shoulders shaking, before he turns his attention back to Levi with a frown.

Petra sidles up beside Levi and leans against his desk, which Eren can't help but think is a little unprofessional but if Levi notices, he gives no indication. "The Captain bumped his leg and fell," she explains with a warm smile.

"Oh," Eren's eyes dart back and forth between the two of them. "You didn't hurt yourself, did you?"

"No," Levi answers flatly.

"Just experiencing some swelling, I think," Petra giggles and then bites her lip.

Levi gives her a withering look before looking back at Eren. "You're dismissed."

"So…that's it then?"

"Yes," Levi runs a hand over his face. "Unless you want to stand there and gape like an idiot for a little while longer."

Eren scowls, but bites his tongue before saying anything that'd get him in trouble. He turns on his heels and marches out of the room without another word. It isn't until the door clicks shut behind them that Jean bursts out laughing.

"Mind letting me in on the joke!?"

Jean grins. "'Did I miss some kind of training exercise'!? That was fucking brilliant, Jaegar."

"How was it brilliant? It was a legitimate question."

Jean stops laughing immediately. "Don't tell me you didn't notice."

"Notice what?"

"Pretty sure they were fucking before we showed up."

Eren's eyes widen. "But…but their clothes were on."

"Okay so maybe they were still in the middle of foreplay or whatever. Who the fuck cares, Eren, that's not the important part."

The two of them walk down the hallway while Eren processes this discovery. In retrospect, it's hard to believe he thought it was something other than that but still…

"So…Petra and the Captain?" Eren shakes his head. He supposes if anyone in the world had enough patience and kindness to deal with someone like the Captain, it would be Petra but;Eren thinks she could do a lot better. "Wait…how does Armin know?"

Jean shrugs and then wraps an arm around Eren's shoulders. "You'd have to ask him but it's good thing you brought me because," he pauses, mouth spreading in a shit-eating grin, "imagine the eyeful you would've gotten if you hadn't knocked."


End file.
